The barriers to success are derailing so many good people in our diversion court, I want to look at it more closely. The reasons are complicated, but I would like to make a simple template so they can learn from it and pick themselves back up.
We all have our moments when we feel like we are backsliding more than going forward. Do you take the time to dissect the reasons and put contingency plans in place? That’s what I would like to structure to make this a learning process that will help them move forward. It’s helping me look at my own patterns too.
See if you can relate to any of these patterns that can create barriers to your success.
THOUGHTS/FEELINGS THAT PUT YOU IN A BLACK HOLE
The starting point for many people is thinking defeating thoughts and feeling discouraged. It’s often a chicken or egg question of which comes first, but I like to draw attention to the thoughts that often trigger the downward spiral of negative feelings. If you think “things are not good, what’s the point, it’s not going to work” you will quickly feel it. That black hole of negativity that gets created is very real.
The antidote is to quickly move yourself into problem solving to change the negative thoughts. What’s the next best thing you can do to make things better. Putting effort toward solutions will move you forward and create a corresponding lift in feelings. When you follow through, the thoughts and feelings will soon be more hopeful.
PEOPLE AND PLACES THAT DON’T SUPPORT YOU
For many people making changes in their life, it is important to notice the people and places where they are used to you being in a bad place. As strange as this sounds, there are actually people who don’t fully support your growth and positive change because it makes them feel bad and means you’ll be leaving. This is particularly true in substance using or abusive relationships. It can get very complicated and tricky to navigate.
For every person who wants to hold you back, there are others who are reaching out to pull you forward. Find those people and the healthy supporting environments where you and your change will be valued. Making positive changes means changing the people and places to ones where there are people who want to help, be advocates and offer support. Let them wrap you with encouragement so you move toward success. There are a myriad of support groups and 12 step type programs that do this and they work.
SELF DEFEATING BEHAVIOR
In the end we all have to face ourselves and do the work to be successful. There are so many ways we can be self-defeating. Staying up too late, not getting up on time, letting drugs, alcohol, too much partying, too many social media online distractions will all take a toll. When these things take precedence over being responsible and doing the work to move forward you will find yourself in another downward spiral.
Know yourself and know what your weaknesses are. Make decisions about when you will allow fun and when you have to be serious about your obligations to your own future. When you take yourself and your success seriously, you prioritize your time and attention to make sure it’s supporting your decisions to move forward. There is always a certain amount of self-discipline that is needed. It is also very satisfying and self-rewarding when you apply it.
NOTICE HOW ALL THIS WORKS TOGETHER
None of these barriers to success operate in a vacuum. They all work together to create a constellation of moving parts that interact and reinforce one another. Notice how the negative thoughts and feelings may be prompted by interactions with the wrong people and places and then lead to self-defeating behaviors. It can start at any juncture but once it does, it becomes a very slippery slope of negative consequences.
Recognizing how the slippery slope works for you is what’s important. Where does it usually start – thoughts/feelings, wrong people, places or self-defeating behavior? Notice how they all come into play once it begins. More importantly, notice how you can easily switch gears with a new decision, problem solving your way to better thoughts, people, places and action that will soon have you feeling you are back on your game. You can turn on a dime back toward your plans for success. It’s never too late to make changes.
The barriers to success have become apparent as I see many of our court diversion people struggle lately. I wanted to create a simple template to help them get back on track. Maybe it will help you too. Notice how your thoughts and feelings can set you up to move forward or backwards. People and places can either hold you back or support your success. Your own behavior can either be self-defeating or self-rewarding. You can control all these variables with a few clear and determined decisions that will support your success.
Does this speak to you? If you’d like support to ensure your success, reach out. My Transformational Coaching and Therapy is designed to help you be your best. Go to www.spectrumtransformation.com and use my Free Consultation link to reach me. I’d love to hear from you.