Trauma bonding describes what happens when people form connections through shared traumatic experiences. It gives them a point of common reference and often similar feelings and symptoms. It can be a helpful way to navigate through difficult situations.
This came to mind when I was in New Orleans for a music trade show in a huge hotel with thousands of people and only 2 of the 6+ elevators were working. The long waits, frustration over possibly missing their performance start-time sparked constant and sometimes humorous conversations, turning the adversity into a bonding experience. The next day huge storms were rolling in across the US and people scrambled to get home – again it became a point of camaraderie as people bonded over a collective experience, getting home to empty grocery shelves.
Here are some of the helpful aspects of trauma bonding.
SHARED EXPERIENCES MAKES FRIENDS
A shared experience with the elevators and the storms resulted in instant friendships forming among people who don’t know each other. There was a sense of camaraderie and collective problem solving, and though we may never see each other again, sharing a little sarcastic humor about our difficult situation made it more bearable.
MUTUAL SUPPORT
In problematic situations, it’s reassuring to see genuine care and protection develop as people look after one another. Our neighborhood did this over the holidays to bring meals to people who didn’t have resources. We’ve seen it with the huge turnout for the Monk’s Walk For Peace – communities providing housing, meals, police protection and showing up in droves in cold weather.
ORGANIZING FOR THE GREATER GOOD
More importantly, the distress over our political situation is creating a significant movement to organize in protest. What we see in Minneapolis is a product of trauma bonding – people outraged over the unjust killings and disruptions to our democratic process. Trauma bonding is driving what we hope will be positive action and collective problem solving
If you’d like to explore how trauma or trauma bonding has affected you, please reach out. I’d be honored to explore it with you.
