It was a weekend of sharp contrasts, highlighting the rocky terrain of choice that’s not universally accepted. On the happy celebratory side was my niece’s engagement party to her girlfriend. On the crushingly sad side was a friend’s suicide. Wonderful highs, terrible lows.
Behind the scenes were the whispered conflicting opinions that make this tough. Is the family member avoiding the wedding because they don’t accept gay marriage? Why did my friend have to take their life?
Here’s some thoughts on what an enlightened mind set can be:
DON’T ADD TO DIVISIVENESS
Divisiveness is like a disease that rots our mind, spreading contempt and vitriolic attitudes that pit us against each other. It’s being used by politicians and religions to wrestle money, control and power. Legislating gender morality is taking us back decades. The enlightened mind set is that we have free will for a reason – gender and all relationship choices need to be accepted. That includes your identity, partner and choice about children. Stand up for the right to make choices that aren’t in the majority- they made them for good reason, often with difficulty.
PROMOTE UNDERSTANDING
Suicide is another hot button of conflicting opinion. I spent much of my career developing and directing suicide prevention programs from crisis lines, response teams and a statewide suicide risk management program for KY jails. I’ve trained across the country on prevention and intervention, saying it’s a permanent solution to solvable problems, like depression and personal issues. I’ve promoted compassion. But what about if it’s a response to terminal illness? If that’s the likely case with my friend, I just wish I could have said goodbye.
CHALLENGE YOUR OWN LIMITING THOUGHTS
We all have blind spots. Am I duplicitous in my grief over my friend’s death and desire for everyone to celebrate my niece’s union? Acceptance means releasing judgment for different opinions and accepting the ones you don’t like. The more enlightened stance is to shine the bright light of acceptance without judgment.
How do you feel about this? Reach out if you’d like to explore it.
