It’s been a busy time with many expectations for multiple types of events, each bringing a reality vastly different than expected. I was surprised by my reactions, from being thrilled to disappointed, a roller coaster of emotional responses.
It made me consider how expectations can create value or conflict. They set the stage for something positive, when you’re correct or pleasantly surprised and difficult if you expect something that doesn’t happen or are too trusting of the hype. Your mindset sets a tone either way.
Here are thoughts on how to respond to expectations.
WHEN EXPECTATIONS ARE SURPASSED
I did a statewide training on Trauma Informed Care for Corrections professions who will be training others across the state. I was impressed with the skill set and mind set of the attendees and am convinced they will make a positive impact. I was thrilled when my expectations, which were moderate, were surpassed by excellence!
WHEN EXPECTATIONS ARE SUBPAR
I attended several cultural events with music, food and activities. One was billed as having a musician who is the “Best in the World”, with reviews from NYT and others. I had elevated expectations. Instead, what we heard seemed subpar, making me wonder if the hype was even true. Nevertheless, many people loved it, singing along, having a great time. Was it me and my lack of cultural understanding that was the problem? I wonder. Expectations can shape our experience.
HOW TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
What became clear is that expressing expectations can be insulting either way. To say to the training group, “Wow, you are better than I thought” is wrong, just as is saying to the musician, “Gee, I thought you’d be better”. The high road is paying attention to what is true, excellent and positive in both cases and delivering a sincere, kind compliment. So, I pointed out the trainee’s excellence and to the people who loved the musician, commented on his great audience engagement. Everyone won and I learned a lesson – be more neutral and open with expectations!
How are you with positive and negative expectations, for yourself or others? Reach out if you want to explore them.
