Over the last several years I have watched numerous family and friends make big changes to save themselves. It has been preceded by years of angst and soul searching with many sleepless nights to answer the question – is this right – should I make this big change? Invariably the relief that came because of the decision to “do it” answered the question.
Making big life altering changes is never easy. Having been through this myself several times and watching it unfold up close, I thought it might help to write about what it takes to make the leap. I sought a divorce after a 29.5 year relationship/marriage, retired before I felt ready, watched my husband sell his business he owned for 25 years and witnessed the angst of other family and friends make similar life altering decisions. Maybe this will help you get the courage too.
Here is a short summary of what is involved. See if this helps.
UNDERSTAND YOUR DISTRESS – IT’S REAL
The starting point for initiating big change usually and unfortunately is an extended period of significant distress. I’m not talking about the occasional dissatisfaction, conflict or upset. I am talking about the kind of distress that makes you question what you are doing. It often involves sleepless nights, ongoing rumination, difficult to manage anxiety and some degree of depression. The level of discomfort has your full attention.
Your soul is telling you something important – you are not happy; you are in fact suffering and it is real. It is time to take it seriously. If you have thought and thought about your situation, tried numerous avenues of intervention to make it better to no avail and don’t see ways to make it better, it is time to recognize that your emotional and physical body is telling you the truth. It is time to make a change because at this point, you need to save yourself.
DREAM OF YOUR ALTERNATIVES
One of the hallmarks for initiating big change is noticing what your daydreams and night dreams tell you. Do you fantasize about something different, do your dreams give you interesting insight into what you secretly long for? Do you even act out your secret desire with behavior that is not typical? Like working late to avoid being home, taking trips and not wanting to not come back, having an activity or hobby that points you in a different direction – all indications you are dreaming for something different.
Go ahead and dream for real. The Law of Polarity tells us that everything has it’s opposite. What you don’t like gives you a clear idea of what you want to be different. Let that define the kind of change you seek. A different type of work, less stress, a more loving relationship, a new situation all together? Your soul is talking to you – go ahead and pay attention and dream about what would make you happier and your life more satisfying.
EXPLORE YOUR OPTIONS
When you pay attention to your distress and your dreams, the options usually float in. Take them seriously. If you haven’t confronted the reality of what you don’t like and explored ways to make it better, this is your wake-up call to do it now. Consider your options – have you talked about the changes you want to those involved, have you gotten counseling or coaching to help you work through your distress. Those are important first steps before taking a leap.
If you have explored ways to make things better and it hasn’t worked, now is time to consider the options that you must make. Notice that the thought of change, before considering all the details, is often accompanied by an internal sense of relief. Your body relaxes, gets calm and a steadiness comes over you – it is a sign you are on the right track. Go inside and pay attention to what the options signal is the best thing to do.
DO IT
After taking all the steps above, a final decision to follow through with a change includes being fully resolved. Not that there can’t be some equivocation, but the majority of your thoughts and emotions are in line with the decision for change. If that isn’t the case, go back through your options, explore anything left to make your current situation work, and take those actions. Pay attention to the toll on your emotional and physical health by not making a change. Sometimes that needs to be given fuller credence. Make a choice to save yourself, have the life you want and do it.
When you are fully ready for change, I have found that there is a steely determination that goes through you from the inside out. It gives you energy and a steadfastness to follow through with the actions needed to make the changes you seek. Making a change when you are fully prepared can be exhilarating, liberating, and exciting. Trust yourself enough to know that you are ready, even when what is coming next may not be fully known. You have made a decision to make your life better – it is the right one.
When change is really needed it is, in many cases, a matter of saving yourself. You have been dealing with physical and emotional signs of real distress, you have dreamed of something different, and you have likely considered your options. Take all this seriously, follow through, explore what you really need and want. All that is left is to do it. When you do the relief will be your proof that you did the right thing. That has happened to me and everyone I know who has gone through this change process.
Does this speak to you? If you would like support to explore your options, reach out. My Transformational Coaching and Therapy gives you the structure to make the change you need to save yourself. Go to www.spectrumtransformation.com and use my Free Consultation form to reach me. I would love to hear from you.
