How do you honor someone who is loved when they pass? As rites of passage become more frequent, we need more thoughtful, considered, inspired ways to make it special. Obligatory rituals in sterile settings are not acceptable, being painfully impersonal and disconcerting.
Thankfully, options that are simple, personal, and real are being embraced, like in times past. In our case, a beloved family member’s celebration of life was scheduled months later at the family summer home. When the large extended family assembled to say goodbye, it was a profoundly perfect occasion.
What made this honoring so special? Here are some thoughts.
EVERYONE SHOWED UP
Family and friends came from near and far to the quiet family place in Sunapee, New Hampshire. They came from across the country and New England, a reunion of sorts, reconnecting with family I haven’t seen in 40 years. The children of my youth are grown with children of their own. It was extraordinary to all be together again.
There was torrential rain and still everyone came, even those on canes and wheelchairs. Simply showing up is an expression of honoring.
THEY HELPED OUT and HUNG OUT
Everyone found a way to help. There were detailed plans for food, tents, chairs, speakers, music and the best blueberry pie ever. Some came a week ahead to prepare the house and help with the details. Everyone had a job, even simple things like making coffee, directing traffic and shuttling people in the rain.
Because it was comfortable, people stayed and visited. Helping and hanging out are simple, important signs of love.
IT WAS PERSONAL AND RELEVANT
Most important, is how you make it significant, poignant, personal and relevant. There is nothing worse than having someone who doesn’t know the person speak for them. There is such a thing as perfect pitch and perfect tone, even in plans and spoken word. When everything rings true, accurately reflecting your loved one, you feel satisfied, pleased that they were properly honored. Add some humor and laughter from wonderful stories, it becomes a celebration.
Everyone deserves to be celebrated – personal stories told with love and laughter honor and celebrate those who have passed.
