Being clear on how to cope with unwanted change is a skill that separates mature people from others. We all have faced things we don’t want from tragedy to an unhappy turn of events. And we all tend to admire those who step up and handle it with calm dignity, clear choices and decisive action.
This skill has been needed lately to wrap our heads around weather related disasters and other things we don’t feel we have control over. It is needed to make decisions about family or friends who require help, it is needed in relationships or on the job when we face things we don’t like. So what is involved in coping with maturity?
Here are some thoughts.
TAKE THE BLINDERS OFF AND FACE THE TRUTH
It is tough to watch people in denial. The climate change deniers are one of the worst examples, especially as we witness extensive natural disasters even here in Kentucky with tornadoes, floods and lately high winds that have left 50,000 Lexington residents without power. I am fine, but friends are still without power and 15 of my beloved trees in Henry Clay’s Ashland Estate across the street have been ripped up and homes have been damaged. (Thankfully the owner of the house in the photo was not home when the tree fell). I am sick about it.
Facing the truth has been something I’ve had to do throughout my life. From making interventions with family and friends who were hurting themselves with alcohol/drugs and untreated emotional problems to facing an unhappy previous marriage, it is stunning to suddenly see things as they really are. Radical acceptance is the key to this. It is the moment you no longer delude yourself that everything is fine and you recognize the facts of your reality. It is the ultimate wake up.
STAY CLEAR OF HELPLESSNESS AND VICTIM MENTALITY
Becoming victimized by circumstances or by other’s actions does not mean you are helpless. People become conditioned and manipulated into these roles over time by having their thoughts and actions criticized or being a co-dependent caregiver for someone who does not take responsibility for their problems. Relationships like this become toxic over time, there is no way not to become resentful and blaming. Notice the tendency to “yes, but” your ability to change. That’s what will keep you a helpless victim. The best news is you can change all this.
Remember you are not helpless, nor a victim, as long as you can make choices. Maturity means that you recognize the choices you have and clarify the ones that keep you stuck in something you don’t like. That’s part of the wake up – seeing you own choices and knowing you can always make a different one. That propelled me to make many personal changes in relationships and jobs. It is what restores your dignity and power. It certainly worked for me.
TAKE THE EMOTION OUT AND MOVE INTO PROBLEM SOLVING
There is a tendency among many people to stay stuck in the emotions of difficult situations. The emotions can be very real, distressing and potentially debilitating. When the emotions are so overwhelming that you can no longer make decisions, then it’s time to recognize you need help.
Being able to move past the emotion and look at options with a level head is a sign of maturity. You rise above the emotion and look at your situation with clear objectivity. Once you can do that everything becomes easier, matter of fact. It may not take the pain of change away, but problem solving has pro-active energy that helps you feel more in control. When you aren’t able to do that, please seek help. That is a hallmark of the work I do, helping people gain perspective so they can make wise and clear decisions.
RECOGNIZE YOUR ROLE TO TAKE ACTION
Maturity also involves taking responsibility and taking action. When you do something about the things you don’t like, you are creating the change you want to see and be. It is the most satisfying part of change.
Taking action is empowering and personally inspiring. It is the reward for the suffering that got you to the place to decide on change. It is the antidote to feeling helpless or victimized. It is the life altering part that marks you as someone capable. I never felt more alive than when I was making life altering decisions for myself, my relationships, jobs and family that needed help. It is my reward watching the people I work with step into their power to make changes. Take the steps you need and see how good this feels.
Coping with unwanted change, be it weather disasters, family matters, job related or in your relationships, will instill confidence if you can approach it with maturity. This means taking off the blinders and seeing the truth, staying out of the helpless victim role, reducing your emotional reactivity to problem solve and taking action.
The more you approach change calmly, with clear choices and decisive action, the more you have mature coping skills.
How well are you coping with change or the need to make change? If this is something you would like support with, reach out. My Transformational Coaching and Therapy is structure to help. Go to www.spectrumtransformation.com and use my Free Consultation link to reach me. I would love to hear from you.
