Radical acceptance came to mind as I noticed the contrast between the loving experience of my holiday and the hurtful difficulties others were experiencing. It is the place between the two that I want to explore – when you have love in your heart and yet are experiencing something painful.
While I was basking in the lovely experience of our holidays, I was pulled into awareness that several others I know were encountering something very different. There was one who didn’t get a present or card from his parent, while he watched his stepsisters open piles of gifts. There was a group of employees who walked off their job days before Christmas because of the abuse and dishonesty shown to them and their customers. There were those dealing with a drunken family member who bereted children and grandchildren alike. There were several who were alone, due to the death or absence of a family member. All these situations required radical acceptance to cope.
Here are some of the facets of radical acceptance and what happens when you are at the crossroad where it becomes your best and only choice.
Radical Acceptance Means You See The Truth – With Love In Your Heart
The essence of what makes radical acceptance so necessary is that you hold love for the person or situation in one hand, while experiencing something very painful in the other. It is the contrast, confusion and contradiction of wishing for the opposite of what is happening that makes it so difficult.
Radical acceptance starts with love – for yourself most of all, and even for the person or situation. It means you see the reality clearly and fully acknowledge what is happening. It helps you steer clear of feeling sorry for yourself, striking back or diving headfirst into self-defeating behavior. You rise above and observe with neutrality, knowing this is your reality.
Radical Acceptance Helps Determine If You Need To Do Something
In each of the situations I mentioned, the person realizes that they are at a crossroad. What they want is not happening, and denial is no longer an option. Faced with the truth – my parent is not there for me, my employer’s values are unacceptable, my family member is a hurtful alcoholic, my loved one is gone – they have to make a choice about their role.
There is a quiet place deep inside when you face your truth. There is no more fighting it, no more pushing against reality. It becomes time to decide what you want to do with this truth. You have made peace with the reality and accepted it.
With Radical Acceptance You Decide How To Move On
The final aspect of radical acceptance is the decision to make a big change. In that quiet place of acceptance, there is also the will and clarity to do something that changes the sequence of the hurtful experience. The pattern that has kept you in a painful place no longer works and you know it is time for the old ways to die.
There is a freedom, even a sense of joy and liberation in making the decision. To do something different means you are no longer shackled by the pain. In my examples, everyone reached that point. The son let go, seeing his parent’s flaws clearly. The employees immediately found different jobs, leaving the employer to face the truth. The family sat in silence and didn’t take the bait to engage in conflict with their drunken member. Those who lost loved one said prayers, others made calls to reconnect. The spell of painful experiences was broken by radical acceptance.
As difficult as this subject is, I felt compelled to write about it as I noticed the contrast between my lovely holiday and the difficulties others faced. I hold my loved ones who have found radical acceptance in high esteem.
Does the idea of radical acceptance stir you to face something important? If you are at a crossroad in a complex situation and would like support, please reach out. My Transformational Coaching and Therapy provides assistance. Go to www.spectrumtransformation.com and use my Free Consultation link to reach me. I would be honored to help.