Change is something many people say they want but find a multitude of reasons to avoid. Instead, they wait until things get to the breaking point or the point of no return before taking needed action. There is another way.
I am working with many people who have explored and implemented a dramatic change process. I am continually impressed with their steady growth and the integrity of their transformation. After finding the insight and motivation to change, they are rewarded with newfound happiness and personal satisfaction.
Here are some pointers to begin the process – see if you can relate.
OBSERVE YOUR CURRENT WELLBEING
For everyone I work with, I start by asking them to fill out a wheel of life to observe their current balance and satisfaction with the different domains of their life. The more balance and satisfaction there is among all aspects of the wheel, the happier and more content they are. The domains to consider are:
- Business/ Career
- Finances
- Health
- Family/Friends
- Romance
- Personal Growth
- Fun/Recreation
- Physical Environment
For each domain, rate your satisfaction on a scale of 1 -10, with 10 at the edge of the wheel being completely satisfied, and the inside of the wheel closer to 1, being less satisfied. Don’t expect it to be balanced or equal, no one’s life is perfect. Just notice where you wish it was higher.
This big-picture overview is a simple way to observe your state of well-being. It’s a way of taking stock of your current situation to zero in on where you may want to make changes.
NOTICE HOW YOU FEEL
Our thoughts and emotions guide when and how we take action, with our feelings often being the final catalyst for change. The stronger and more urgent the feelings, the more quickly we move. We can talk ourselves out of many needed changes if the feelings aren’t strong.
Ask yourself if you are settling in any area, telling yourself that it is good enough, not great, but OK. I have found the longer you justify the reasons not to change, the longer it takes and easier it becomes to settle for what you really don’t like. Sometimes it takes a big jolt of strong emotion – fear, anger, hurt, disappointment, and being fed up to make a move. Is that how you want to live? Pay attention to how you really feel!
RECOGNIZE IF YOUR BASIC NEEDS ARE BEING MET
We all have basic needs; the degree to which they are being met defines our satisfaction in life. Before seeking change, assess if they are being met. See how you are doing with getting your basic needs met.
According to a list of needs adapted from Marshall Rosenburg *we all seek:
- Freedom and Autonomy – to choose our own dreams, goals, and values
- Celebration – being able to celebrate the creation of life and dreams fulfilled along with the losses in life
- Authenticity and creativity – that give your life integrity, meaning, and self-worth
- Emotional safety – being loved, understood and supported with empathy
- Community – having love, acceptance, appreciation, consideration, respect, support, and trust
- Physical safety – safe housing, food, rest, sexual expression, touch, and protection,
- Play/fun – laughter, joy, shared experiences
- Spiritual Connection – – peace, harmony, inspiration, and meaning
How many of these do you have? Notice where you may be lacking. This often defines the point of change. If you are not in a mature and safe emotional relationship, then those basic needs are not being met and likely you also scored low on romance in your wheel of life. Compare the two scales and be clear on what needs to change.
Once you have clarified your point of change, find the least resistant starting point to make a move toward the changes you need. Start simple, something symbolic that signifies to you that you are changing direction. Here is a sampling of the changes I’ve seen my clients make as they transformed their lives.
Recognized patterns in life that no longer served them, started own business or new job, stopped using drugs and alcohol, broke off a dysfunctional relationship, learned to have more open and honest conversations, stayed single, waited until the right person showed up, made a life altering move, made dramatic diet changes, meditated, exercised, took up an artistic pursuit, started reading/studying/journaling, tried new things, joined community support groups, talked about and shared their change.
Find what is important for you and know that there is more joy, abundance, and personal satisfaction waiting for you after every step toward change.
If you want to create a change process in your life, use these steps to develop the insight and motivation to get started. Observe your current state of well-being, recognize and acknowledge your true feelings, determine if your basic needs are being met, and then take action. You will soon be thanking yourself.
Does this process for change speak to you? If you’d like support to explore and start your own transformation, reach out at www.spectrumtransformation.com and use my Free Consultation link to reach me. I’d be happy to talk with you about it.
*Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, Living Non-Violent Communication, June 1, 2012, Sounds True
